Happy Pagan New Year

Update - April 2: I've been scouring the web most of yesterday and today and have found a TON more jokes. Scroll down to see the new ones. I'm sure I've still missed some, though. Keep sending them in.



It's April 1, and if you don't know what that means, well, you're just a fool.



Site's all over the internet use this opportunity to let their creativity and humor shine, and video game sites are usually no exception. I'm a big fan of all the fakery that goes on every April, so I'm going to attempt to chronicle all of today's video game related foolery in this post. Consider it a "correction of the record" if you want to gibe it with this site's stated purpose. Expect this post to be updated a few times throughout the day and maybe throughout the week. If you notice something I've missed, please don't hesitate to mail me a link.



Also, since this site is supposedly a serious journalism review, I'll pose a more serious question for discussion on the comments thread: Are April Fools jokes appropriate for news outlets? Do news providers run the danger of readers confusing fake news for real (with potentially serious consequences)? Could readers disregard real news as fake because they've been fooled before (I needed to do a Google search before I believed this AMF Bowling 2004 review was legit)? Or does anyone not paying attention today deserve whatever confusion they get? Discuss!



All ratings are out of a possible 5. Jokes are posted in the order I find them. Big thanks to Blue's News for providing many of the links, Slashdot Games for many others.



Total jokes so far: 33



GameSpot

Links: Rockstar Confirms GTA: Port-Au-Prince, First Look: Godfather 2072, Bowie planning Star Wars Galaxies gig?

Believability Rating: 2 - An E-rated GTA game? Get real!

Cleverness Rating: 4 - Major props for poking fun at the new Seven Samurai remake.

Favorite Quote: "I used to be angry, so very angry," [Rockstar Spokesman Greg Venezuela] told GameSpot. "However, since I started chakra-meditating in the employee incense lounge, the stress just melts away."



GameForms

Links: The Passion of the Christ, Preview, Screen Shots, GBA Screen Shot.

Believability Rating: 3 - Christ is the new Hot Media Property... or so the media tells me.

Cleverness Rating: 4 - It's the "screen shots" that push it above average.

Favorite Quote: "While the movie has been a great success, we want to ensure the message of Christ's love can be experienced in a more interactive way, a way that involves pushing colored buttons at the correct time while Jesus dies."



ThinkFishStick

Link: Doom 3 Source Code Leaked

Believability Rating: 4 - Remember, what happened to Valve can happen to YOU!

Cleverness Rating: 3 - A little obvious, given the proximity to Half-Life 2

Favorite Quote: "Carmack's personal collection of MP3's and AVI's was also nicked from the scene, including some very sensitive footage showing John Romero in women's clothes, parading through the ID offices "



Armchair Empire

Link: Microsoft Cancels Xbox 2, Halo 2 in Jeopardy

Believability Rating: 1 - Microsoft runs out of money? My bones will be dust long before it happens.

Cleverness Rating: 3 - Playing off the wishful thinking of Nintendo/Sony fanboys is never a bad idea.

Favorite Quote: "Do you have any idea how much square-footage a massive inventory of Xboxes occupies? ItÂ’s massive!"



Blizzard

Link: Blizzard Entertainment® Announces .999~ (Repeating) = 1

Believability Rating: 5 - I'm no Math major, but I believe it.

Cleverness Rating: 4 - I'm no Math major, but I still enjoyed the joke

Favorite Quote: "Elaborate and yet crafted with deceptive simplicity and elegance, Blizzard's proof that .999~ = 1 is a true wonder of modern mathematics."



Beyond Unreal

Links: Breaking News: UT2004 Production Suspended, UT2004 LE Released for Free, Download

Believability Rating: 2 - Where did these legal disputes come from? Have I been asleep?

Cleverness Rating: 3 - Props for providing a download link. Has anyone actually tried downloading it?

Favorite Quote: "It's with great sadness that I have to confirm that the rumors are true - as of today, we're suspending production of UT2004 while we clear up a bunch of legal crap that's going on here at Epic HQ."



Gaming Nexus

Link: Interview with Joe Lieberman

Believability Rating: 4 - An interview with Senator lieberman seems perfectly reasonable... until you start reading it.

Cleverness Rating: 4 - References to Kerry's snowboarding, Dean's scream and Bush taking down a virtual Saddam. Well done.

Favorite Quote: "ThereÂ’s nothing like coming home and relaxing while trying to take over a crime-ridden, drug infested city. ItÂ’s a lot like running for president."



NFS Unlimited

Link: Need for Speed 8 gone GOLD!

Believability Rating: 3 - A game announcement doesn't seem too strange, but the crappy render hurts the package.

Cleverness Rating: 1 - Games go gold every day, and there isn't enough text to the actual story.

Favorite Quote: "What will make the game different to other games in the series is street racing with the first time in NFS series the ability to run over pedestrians!"



(The following links are new as of April 2)



IGN Pocket

Link: New Limited Edition SP

Believability Rating: 5 - This is highly plausible given the recent NES styled Game Boy

Cleverness Rating: 5 - It's just like Nintendo to milk its past for all its worth, even the embarrassing parts

Favorite Quote: "The apocryphal Virtual Boy Game Boy Advance will launch for $199.99. It will quickly drop in price to $99.99, then $49.99, eventually hitting clearance aisles and outlet stores for $29.99 before disappearing into obscurity six months after its release."



IGN PC

Link: PC 2.0

Believability Rating: 1 - PS2 and XBox games on your PC... legally? I don't buy it

Cleverness Rating: 3 - If it weren't so entirely implausbile, it'd be a neat idea

Favorite Quote: "People are tired of dealing with performance issues, drivers, multiple CD installations, crashes, lockups, and other problems that dog PC gaming. A unified solution looks like the obvious choice, and streamlining hardware makes for cheaper development and lower prices for everyone."



IGN PC

Link: Tribe Interview

Believability Rating: 1 - The picture ruins any chance of being fooled

Cleverness Rating: 4 - I'm all for making fun of the obsessiveness of Tribes players

Favorite Quote: "IGNPC: Can I call it Princess? Chris Mahnken: The SkyPony shall not be mocked. Its name is McGuffin.



Nintendojo

Link: Nintendojo to Become First Official Nintendo Fansite

Believability Rating: 4 - The concept seems ludicrous, but the writing is so good I started to believe

Cleverness Rating: 5 - What better way to goad fans of such an independent site by saying you've sold out.

Favorite Quote: "Due to an increasingly dire financial situation, and the publicity it would offer the site, we were both in agreement that this deal could be nothing but a positive change for the future of Nintendojo."



Nintendojo

Link: Breaking: Silicon Knights Developing Realistic Zelda for GameCube

Believability Rating: 3 - The fuzzy picture hurts credibility, but there's definitely a market for the idea

Cleverness Rating: 3 - Entirely too standard. There are plenty of recent Zelda games to be had.

Favorite Quote: "I'd love to do a realistic, mature take on Zelda. Ah, I shouldn't talk about this."



1up

Links: Final Fantasy XXL Announced

Believability Rating: 1 - Pretty obviously a joke as soon as you see the hideous box art.

Cleverness Rating: 1 - See, cuz there's an X... and the X stands for extra. It's funny!

Favorite Quote: "'We always typically try to make our quests larger with each new installment in the Final Fantasy series,' said Kitase. 'This time we decided to focus on the characters.'" (rim shot)



1up

Link: Snake Eater Deemed Phallic Symbol

Believability Rating: 3 - Never say never when it comes to Christian Fundamentalists, but the over-the-top writing does it in.

Cleverness Rating: 3 - These groups seem to find sex corrupting our society everywhere. This was a logical fit.

Favorite Quote: "It's bad enough that our kids are bombarded with penises every single day by Disney and the recording industry, but now they have to ward off Satan's member on their PlayStations, too?"



1up

Link: EA Announces The Sims: Cracked Out

Believability Rating: 2 - EA makes a drug-themed game. Did they buy Rockstar or something?

Cleverness Rating: 4 - Hey, if you're gonna simulate life, you might as well include junkies.

Favorite Quote: "And don't think you can take one or two hits, and give up. If your sim goes too long without a hit, withdrawals set in. "



1up

Link: Mario Gets Sex Change, Becomes Man

Believability Rating: 1 - What? He was a woman. Oh... I get it. Bad joke.

Cleverness Rating: 1 - Mario's games don't let you shoot hookers. He must be a woman!

Favorite Quote: "However, narrow-minded brother Luigi, of staunch Italian-Catholic upbringing, will still refer to Mario as "big sister," and may even publicly ridicule his sibling if embarrassed (possibly a new gameplay innovation)."



1up

Link: Nintendo Appeals to Adult Gamer

Believability Rating: 3 - Nintendo "growing up" is only a matter of time, but I doubt they'd touch their classic series'

Cleverness Rating: 4 - The picture of possessed Pikmin is so bad that it's good!

Favorite Quote: "In exactly what capacity the DS will expand Pikmin 2, we do not know, but Nintendo officials have hinted that one screen can be used to pinpoint close-up abusive kills on specific Pikmin, much in the same way the DS can zoom in on a soccer player's face, for seemingly useless reasons."



OpenBeer

Link: OpenBSD/game boy advanced sp

Believability Rating: 5 - Hey, they've ported Linux to everything else for no apparent reason.

Cleverness Rating: 2 - I almost missed this joke because I just didn't care about it.

Favorite Quote: "Now you can funny with your OpenBSD box everywhere! In bus, subway, taxy, school, toilette, restaurant, church, cinema, theatre..."



World of Warcraft

Link: Choosing the Two-headed Player Race (Best Joke of the Year Award Winner!)

Believability Rating: 5 - This is actually a good idea. Why didn't I think of that?

Cleverness Rating: 5 - The subtle allusions to marriage and relationships make the joke complete

Favorite Quote: "When the bond between two players is forged within a single Ogre body, that bond is permanent for better or worse."



Battle.net

Link: Goblin Hero Invades Azeroth Bent on Revenge

Believability Rating: 2 - Huh? Where did this guy come from?

Cleverness Rating: 4 - I like the idea of a Goblin out to defend to the honor of his race.

Favorite Quote: "Goblin Merchants, Laboratories, and Goblin Shipyards provide additional services and merchandise. For what reward? It's time to pay the Goblins back! The Goblin Tinker is coming for you!"



LoonyBoi

Link: IF Quake

Believability Rating: 4 - It seems entirely plausible, but as the FAQ page explains, it's not really a joke. Um, OK.

Cleverness Rating: 5 - Read the room descriptions in the screenshots. Funny stuff.

Favorite Quote: "In IF Quake, you walk through the exact same levels you do in the graphical version of the game, only instead of circle-strafing and firing at your enemies, you type commands like 'ATTACK GRUNT WITH SHOTGUN'."



Globe & Mail

Link: must have game

Believability Rating: 5 - Why hasn't anyone seriously reviewed Solitaire. Everyone plays it!

Cleverness Rating: 4 - A nice idea, and it's treated like a real review. Well done.

Favorite Quote: "Addictive gameplay, a great cast of characters and fantastic graphics combine to make Solitaire a standout among PC games."



Bungie

Link: Pimps at Sea

Believability Rating: 2 - The concept seems ludicrous, but I've seen real games based on stupider ideas.

Cleverness Rating: 2 - When every other line is a pimp joke, it begins to grate.

Favorite Quote: "Pimps At Sea: where pimping and poop decks collide! Coming Soon(tm) Arrrrrh, bitch!"



Inside Mac Games

Link: Aspyr Announces New Sims Expansion Pack

Believability Rating: 4 - Everyone who lives in a city probably already owns the game. Why not reach out to the rural population

Cleverness Rating: 5 - Call me a sucker for a bad pun, the "milkin' it" title still makes me grin

Favorite Quote: "'Now that the Sims are no longer trapped in suburbia there are endless possibilities,' Glenda explained to IMG in an exclusive interview this morning. 'Like a 'Sims: Survivor' reality show. Or maybe we'll try to interest hardcore gamers with a World War II expansion, or explore the criminal element with 'The Sims: Underground.' Farms are just the beginning.'"



DoomWorld

Link: Doom 3 GONE GOLD! (APRIL FOOLS)

Believability Rating: 2 - Come on... we all know Doom 3 will never ship. Also, was that (APRIL FOOLS) in the headline on April 1?

Cleverness Rating: 2 - Can't think of a good joke? Just say some game is canceled and/or released early. Instant fooling!

Favorite Quote: "After four grueling years of workmanship we have finally completed Doom 3. It has been a long and arduous process and was the combined effort of many, many people including some of the guys here at id like, uh, that other guy with my name, and that guy with the beard and, does Paul Steed still work here?"



Planet Black & White

Link: Black & White 2 Canceled

Believability Rating: 2 - No market for god games... uh huh... sure. The petition link helps a bit though.

Cleverness Rating: 1 - This looks like it took 5 seconds (combined) to think up and post.

Favorite Quote: "'There is no market for god-games nowadays', EA said in the press release."



Stalker Oblivion-Lost

Link: Microsoft gets exclusive Rights!

Believability Rating: 4 - Who's going to question Microsoft buying someone out?

Cleverness Rating: 3 - The actual article isn't written too well, but the hidden bold "april fools" is a nice touch.

Favorite Quote: "Jon A. Shirley, chief operating officer at Microsoft, explains that GSC will receive a nice sum of money. There are no exact information available, however insiders act on the assumption that several million Dollars are involved."



RelicNews

Link: Dawn of War CANCELLED!

Believability Rating: 2 - Over the top writing hurts the chances of anyone believing the full story

Cleverness Rating: 2 - Another cancellation joke. YAWN!

Favorite Quote: "We had to have copyright notices tattooed on our retinas... the pain was intense. Armed Commissars stood behind us, ready to shoot if we disobeyed orders."



Star Wars: Dark Forces

Link: Star Wars: Dark Forces Gold Edition, April Fools page

Believability Rating: 5 - A lot of message boards I've read welcomed the idea, and the page looks pretty authentic

Cleverness Rating: 4 - A neat idea, but one that's sure get people accusing you of selling out.

Favorite Quote: "Mr Turner said 'this is an extremely exciting opportunity for us' and concluded 'with the funding of an established gaming studio like LucasArts, the possibilities for this project just increased ten-fold.'"



StarChamber

Link: Star Chamber Expansion Theme Announced

Believability Rating: 3 - An expansion isn't that hard to believe, but the LotR references shoot it down.

Cleverness Rating: 4 - A good excuse to get some interesting potential ideas for the game out there.

Favorite Quote: "the original Star Chamber races were designed in early 2001, before I went to see the Lord of the Rings movies. But when I saw how cool that skiing Rambo elf and his silly dwarf sidekick were in those films, I knew we had to have races like that in Star Chamber."